Do Something

Park illegally. Smoke a joint. Drain a swamp. Sell something for cash. Buy something for cash. Don’t report income. Submit false census data. Buy an unregistered gun. Sell an unregistered gun. Don’t license your dog or cat. Piss on your own front lawn. Praise Jesus in front of a Planned Parenthood clinic. Praise free speech on any campus. Ice a terminally-ill relative who begs to die. Marry the person you love without getting a marriage certificate. Blow up a cactus. Chainsaw a really old tree on your property. Encrypt anything. Tune your car so that it sucks gas and kicks ass. Find a Saturday Night Special Assault Rifle and load it with Cop Killer Bullets, then use it to pop an endangered bunny twixt his soft, fuzzy ears. Fuck somebody who wants to fuck you in a nasty, illegal way. Peel out at a red light. Bet on something with someone. Write an email using the terms “auto sear” and “detonator”. Burn something without a permit. Drive uninsured while talking on your cellphone. Hoard bullets and good pornography. Light a Marlboro in the mall.

God damn it, stop reading and moaning, go out and fucking do something outside the cattle car-shaped box.

Author: Dick Freely

Something is very, very wrong, and yet unnaturally comfortable. Close the window, will you? That's a good child. Now come here and give Uncle Dick a kiss...

2 thoughts on “Do Something”

  1. Marry the person you love without getting a marriage certificate.

    Sure… If you’re gay- or want to marry your sister.

    Why would anyone else wish to give up the major tax breaks, survivor benefits, expedited probate, and other numerous privileges bestowed upon us by our “betters” for obeying their preferred lifestyle choice?

    Official recognition of “Gay marriage” is all about the money…

    -a “never-married” person

  2. Scott, State marriage has, as you point out, been reduced to a government administered benefits plan. It may work out for some to accept a government marriage for the benefits package, but involving the State in your private life via marriage often constitutes one of the biggest sucker bets you’ll ever accept.

    I’ll take a private marriage over a govenment marriage anyday.

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