As we eagerly await the results of the upcoming election, where our very fate hangs in the most precarious of balances (according to our many wise and noble pundits), let us pause and reflect on the good times to come, courtesy of Claire Wolfe:
TAMPA – For the past month, Kathryn Harrington has stared down the possibility of a criminal trial, a $10,000 fine and the stigma of being deemed a security risk at Tampa International Airport.
The reason? She had a bookmark with her as she passed through airport security screening.
That is right folks, here in the land of the free and home of the brave, we now can emerge from underneath our beds, safe from the paralyzing terror of 52 year-old special-ed teachers. Teachers with bookmarks. Aboard aircraft. Aircraft that might fly near your city. Can you imagine?
This quote is positively the definition of freedom:
“I think at this point we’ve decided not to pursue a civil penalty,” said TSA spokeswoman Lauren Stover. “But it’s not a decision that can be made on the spot. These are things that require an investigation.”
Indeed, and we ought to salute the brave People’s Police for their vigilance. Any bookmark-toting teacher could be Osama Bin Laden cleverly disguised via black-market shin-removal/sex-change surgery. Could this be why Osama has yet to be found, despite the vigilance of the Freedom Police? Those terrorist shin-removing bastards! After all, it would only take one aircraft to be hijacked by a transgendered, shin-less terrorist armed with a sap-like bookmark to make ignoring the threat seem foolish indeed. Only terrorists and terrorist sympathizers would doubt the need for an investigation into this possible attempt to perhaps smuggle an item resembling a weapon onto a plane, or doubt that investigation’s ultimate uncovering of the truth!
Even more fortuitously, the People’s Police now have more tools at their disposal to keep us safe:
According to the TSA’s official prohibited items list, anyone who brings any banned item to a screening checkpoint, even accidentally, may be criminally or civilly prosecuted. Even items that are not specifically listed, but could be considered dangerous, are illegal.
I eagerly await the day (soon to come, I’m sure) that every member of the People’s Police, from the lowliest rural town clown to the Attorney General Him/Her/Itself, is armed with the power to arrest citizen-suspects for possibly possessing what might be potentially dangerous items, in the opinion of that selfsame Freedom Police Officer. That, my friends, is the glorious future that awaits us!
But it cannot happen without your help. We have the power to strike back at terror. Just as the wog-subjects of Iraq are being taught the virutes and kindness of Western Civilization via the sad but necessary expedient of precision guided attack munitions, we citizens must be taught how to be grateful to be kept safe from terror. Paranoid naysayers are actually aiding the terrorists by undermining the national resolve, and such wrecking cannot be tolerated in a free society! The unique historical circumstances that have been thrust upon us require the stern hand of a stern (but fatherly) ruler. This ruler must be given (or he must take) the power necessary to safeguard our freedoms in this Age Of Terror.
Citizen! Your vote is your country’s life! So remember to vote this November, and vote correctly. Your future of limitless security and freedom is within your grasp!
Bush/Kerry ’04! For Security! For Freedom!