All Hail Freedom!

As we eagerly await the results of the upcoming election, where our very fate hangs in the most precarious of balances (according to our many wise and noble pundits), let us pause and reflect on the good times to come, courtesy of Claire Wolfe:

TAMPA – For the past month, Kathryn Harrington has stared down the possibility of a criminal trial, a $10,000 fine and the stigma of being deemed a security risk at Tampa International Airport.

The reason? She had a bookmark with her as she passed through airport security screening.

That is right folks, here in the land of the free and home of the brave, we now can emerge from underneath our beds, safe from the paralyzing terror of 52 year-old special-ed teachers. Teachers with bookmarks. Aboard aircraft. Aircraft that might fly near your city. Can you imagine?

This quote is positively the definition of freedom:

“I think at this point we’ve decided not to pursue a civil penalty,” said TSA spokeswoman Lauren Stover. “But it’s not a decision that can be made on the spot. These are things that require an investigation.”

Indeed, and we ought to salute the brave People’s Police for their vigilance. Any bookmark-toting teacher could be Osama Bin Laden cleverly disguised via black-market shin-removal/sex-change surgery. Could this be why Osama has yet to be found, despite the vigilance of the Freedom Police? Those terrorist shin-removing bastards! After all, it would only take one aircraft to be hijacked by a transgendered, shin-less terrorist armed with a sap-like bookmark to make ignoring the threat seem foolish indeed. Only terrorists and terrorist sympathizers would doubt the need for an investigation into this possible attempt to perhaps smuggle an item resembling a weapon onto a plane, or doubt that investigation’s ultimate uncovering of the truth!

Even more fortuitously, the People’s Police now have more tools at their disposal to keep us safe:

According to the TSA’s official prohibited items list, anyone who brings any banned item to a screening checkpoint, even accidentally, may be criminally or civilly prosecuted. Even items that are not specifically listed, but could be considered dangerous, are illegal.

I eagerly await the day (soon to come, I’m sure) that every member of the People’s Police, from the lowliest rural town clown to the Attorney General Him/Her/Itself, is armed with the power to arrest citizen-suspects for possibly possessing what might be potentially dangerous items, in the opinion of that selfsame Freedom Police Officer. That, my friends, is the glorious future that awaits us!

But it cannot happen without your help. We have the power to strike back at terror. Just as the wog-subjects of Iraq are being taught the virutes and kindness of Western Civilization via the sad but necessary expedient of precision guided attack munitions, we citizens must be taught how to be grateful to be kept safe from terror. Paranoid naysayers are actually aiding the terrorists by undermining the national resolve, and such wrecking cannot be tolerated in a free society! The unique historical circumstances that have been thrust upon us require the stern hand of a stern (but fatherly) ruler. This ruler must be given (or he must take) the power necessary to safeguard our freedoms in this Age Of Terror.

Citizen! Your vote is your country’s life! So remember to vote this November, and vote correctly. Your future of limitless security and freedom is within your grasp!

Bush/Kerry ’04! For Security! For Freedom!

4 thoughts on “All Hail Freedom!”

  1. In Which JohnZ’s mystical powers are proven:

    I was recently googling about in ACECW to do a little research on Chris Ruddy since a friend of mine in Canadian media has quoted him in an article. I came across the following. I don’t have Mod ability to create new threads – so I thought I would post this here – and if somebody wants to – they can edit it and put it somewhere else on this site in a pretty fashion.

    Anyways… I came across proof that JohnZ is in fact a prophet.

    On the following thread you can see that DCDave Martin and Hughie have had a falling out…

    http://groups.google.com/groups?q=%22Christopher+Ruddy%22+Ambrose+Evans+Pritchard&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&scoring=d&selm=20021019145455.19146.00011302%40mb-fz.news.cs.com&rnum=8

    Which reminded me of the following which was hilarious at the time – but even funnier now.

    http://groups.google.com/groups?q=sharp+suspiciously&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&group=alt.current-events.clinton.whitewater&scoring=d&selm=johnz-C74D27.04004808012000%40news.aa.net&rnum=7

    DC DAVE
    Well, that’s it – we’ve identified every single
    newsgroup spook. All 6,073,104,685 of them.

    Another long silence. SHARP turns to look suspiciously at
    DCDAVE

    DAVE SHARP
    You know, Dave, I’m beginning to wonder about you.

    JZ

  2. If some grandma came up to me on a plane and said, “Hey bitch, I got a bookmark that vaguely looks like a bola and if you don’t do what I say i’m going to throw that at you,” well, I’d beat the shit out of her, just like I would have at least took a swing at a bunch of hadjis with box cutters, had I been given the golden opportunity. What a pussified faggot little eat-a-dick nation that people literally subjugated themselves for inch long razor blades that a bunch of unemployment line retards now earn money scanning my luggage and stealing anything worth $50+ can now put me in jail for 5 to 20 just because I put a nail cleaner in my onboard baggage. This place is fucked. The Romans were at least smart enough to get 700 years out of their empire, plus residuals, I don’t give this place 300. Fuck you federal goverment, I can’t wait to see you fall.

    Sincerely,
    Aaron Gunn
    Stamped with an S.S. number since 1982

    P.S. It’s my birthday. Long live me.

  3. If I were Al Qaeda, I’d have about twenty sleepers with shoulder-launchers renting cheap rooms within a mile of twenty different airports, all awaiting to word to simultaneously take out twenty planes on take-off one bright, sunny and cold late October morning.

    *One* TWA-800…the government can sweep under the rug with a lying CIA cartoon video about center-wing fuel-tank explosions.

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