ATTENTION ALL AMERICANS
BE A PARTICIPANT ON THIS FIRST TIME IN AMERICAN HISTORY THAT THE ENTIRE NATION WILL SIMULTANEOUSLY RECITE THE PREAMBLE TO THE US CONSTITUTION ACROSS THE WORLD ON THE INTERNET, TELEVISION, AND RADIO!
Yeah, the Constitution. Good thing we’ve got that to protect us:
The Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that local governments may seize people’s homes and businesses — even against their will — for private economic development.
Workin’ out pretty good, isn’t it?
Everyone is invited this September 17th to come and pledge allegiance to the flag of BulldozingYourHouseForTheGreaterGoodistan! The celebration will be held at the future site of Honest Bob’s Used Cars, now temporarily occupied by Mr. And Mrs. Jimmy Smith and family! At noon, an oversize commemorative check will be presented to the Smiths, followed five minutes later by a twenty-one bulldozer salute! All Americans are invited via webcast to recite the Preamble as the D7s roll off the trailers and through what was once the Smith’s living room! Be sure to come to the Celebration Of Freedom following the ceremonial demolition – you could win a key that could start the first car off of Honest Bob’s new dealership!
Special note to the various voting conservatives and faux libertarians: don’t go belly-aching over this latest nonsense. This was all in the cards from the very beginning:
But whether the Constitution really be one thing, or another, this much is certain–that it has either authorized such a government as we have had, or has been powerless to prevent it. In either case, it is unfit to exist.
So whatcha bitchin’ about? Everything is proceeding exactly according to plan: you’re nailed down nice and tight by the government you know and love, and you wouldn’t have it any other way: it just hurts so good.
Anyway, at least it isn’t Albania, right?
Now move the fuck along: the show’s over here. There’s another election coming up soon, so you-all better bust your asses thinking about your vote. You wouldn’t want to lose any freedom, or anything.