EUGENE, Ore. (AP) â€” Airport discards in the response to a terror plot have turned into balm for the homeless in Eugene.
The St. Vincent de Paul Society of Lane County has started picking up some of the things people have jettisoned for security reasons as they board flights at the Eugene Airport.
Charley Harvey, assistant executive director of the charity, dug through trash bags Tuesday and took every bottle of shampoo and shaving cream he could find. The items will be distributed at the organization’s First Place Family Center.
After investigators said they uncovered a plot in Britain to blow up aircraft, travelers tossed the items into trash bins in compliance with new rules prohibiting most liquids, lotions and gels in carry-on luggage.
Liquids are banned from aircraft because they supposedly might be disguised explosives. Yet, rather than the bomb squad trucking the confiscated hair gel, toothpaste, and Preparation H off to an abandoned quarry and detonating it, Homeland Security is dumping the items en masse into trash cans and allowing the local homeless shelter to harvest what they want.
One explanation for this apparent contradiction is that this is a secret plot to get rid of poor people being perpetrated by the TSA, charity organizations, and the airlines:
“Go ahead and take that ‘toothpaste’, homeless guy. Heh, heh, heh!”
TSA screeners are so dedicated to this plot that they willingly risk their lives by handling potentially explosive liquids as roughly as if they were nothing more than harmless toiletries. Or maybe they’ve all been brainwashed by the KGB. Or aliens! It might be true, you know.
After all, what other explanation could there be? That all those things really are harmless, that the government’s just trying to put on a big show? That’s crazy talk.