Archive for March, 2006

Bang, Bang!

Mar 29, 06 | 10:55 pm by John Sabotta

Another selection from the always-enlightening Hitherby Dragons:

Wolves have fur. This makes wolves furries. Since they’re already wolves, they don’t pretend to be wolves. They pretend to be humans. A small excerpt from wolf furry-play follows.

The alpha male struts in. He puts down his briefcase. He says, “Hello, honey, I am home! Since you do not need estrus to stimulate your sexual interest, perhaps you would be up for a rousing bout of Church-endorsed missionary position sex?”

“Oh, no, honey, not now! I am too busy shooting my gun at the wolf who culled the weakest members of our herd of cows! Bang!”

“That sounds like fun. Shooting wolves improves the strength of their gene pool! But surely we could have sex and shoot wolves at the same time?”

“That is very kinky. I admire your dirty mind!”

“Bang!”

“Bang!”

Together: “Bang!”

That is how wolves imagine human intercourse must be.

Aslan Shrugged

Mar 27, 06 | 1:25 pm by John Sabotta

The strangely brilliant Hitherby Dragons reconciles Objectivism and Christianity:

The lion lays himself down on the table. “Peter,” he says. “Have you a sword?”

Though only 13, Peter is a general in the military of three separate countries, and so he answers, “A dress sword.”

“Then draw it,” says Aslan, “and cut open my heart.”

“I can’t,” says Peter.

The lion is silent.

Peter’s face contorts with a terrible grief and shame. “You cannot ask this. It is too much.”

“Do you know,” asks the lion, “how spring comes to Narnia?”

Peter looks at Susan, who is the closest to a natural scientist amongst the Pevensie children.

“It’s usually fairly standardized,” Susan says.

“When it is a winter such as this,” says Aslan, “brought by sin compounded upon sin, incompetence compounding inefficiency, the king must give his life to break the winter cold. This is the thing that the witch could never do.”

“But how can you sacrifice your life?” weeps Peter.

The lion’s words are terrible, and they lash at Peter like the winter cold. “Have I not told you, Son of Adam? Have you no ears? I do not make sacrifices.”

“I’m sorry,” whispers Peter.

“I am not sacrificing my life,” says Aslan. “I am exchanging it for a thing of greater value. I do this for the animals, that they may know another spring; for the centaurs, and the women of the wood and well, and the fauns, and the unicorns; and for Edmund, who was tasted the Turkish Delight and cannot otherwise be redeemed.”

“Din’t taste it,” says Edmund. “Just touched it. Maybe with my tongue. Just a little. But not really tasting.”

Peter looks at Edmund.

“I do not do this thing,” rumbles Aslan, “because you are unworthy and small. You are not. I do not do this thing to save an evil land. It is not. I do this because Narnia is good. I do this because you are good. I do this because you are worth this to me. Because in a world that seems very dark I will prove to you that you are worthy of my life.”

The Five To Ten Percent Solution

Mar 25, 06 | 9:53 am by John T. Kennedy

Lysander Spooner estimated that no more than 5-10% of the American population was even eligible to vote at the time the Constitution was framed and ratified. In his own time less than 20% of the population could vote.

In the very nature of things, the act of voting could bind nobody but the actual voters. But owing to the property qualifications required, it is probable that, during the first twenty or thirty years under the Constitution, not more than one-tenth, fifteenth, or perhaps twentieth of the whole population (black and white, men, women, and minors) were permitted to vote. Consequently, so far as voting was concerned, not more than one-tenth, fifteenth, or twentieth of those then existing, could have incurred any obligation to support the Constitution.

At the present time [1869], it is probable that not more than one-sixth of the whole population are permitted to vote. Consequently, so far as voting is concerned, the other five-sixths can have given no pledge that they will support the Constitution.

2. Of the one-sixth that are permitted to vote, probably not more than two-thirds (about one-ninth of the whole population) have usually voted. Many never vote at all. Many vote only once in two, three, five, or ten years, in periods of great excitement.

Even if there had been unanimous support for ratification of the Constitution among voters that would have been roughly the same percentage of the population that voted for Ross Perot in 1992. And Perot finished a distant third.

Yet constitutionalists pretend that this small minority was somehow entitled to bind all Americans in an eternal social contract.

Spooner’s critique doesn’t end here of course, he’s just getting warmed up. In No Treason he systematically demolishes any hope for the idea of legitimate Constitutional authority.

The Great Outdoor Fight

Mar 24, 06 | 4:06 pm by John Sabotta

“Three days! Three acres! Three THOUSAND men! Only one will win THE GREAT OUTDOOR FIGHT!”

The Achewood epic begins here!

Apologist For Judicial Murder

Mar 22, 06 | 6:29 pm by John Sabotta

The Official Center for “Respect the Verdict”

Cultivation Of The Individual

Mar 22, 06 | 10:11 am by John T. Kennedy

The ancients who wished to demonstrate illustrious virtue throughout the kingdom, first ordered well their own states. Wishing to order well their states, they first regulated their families. Wishing to regulate their families, they first cultivated their persons. Wishing to cultivate their persons, they first rectified their hearts. Wishing to rectify their hearts, they first sought to be sincere in their thoughts. Wishing to be sincere in their thoughts, they first extended to the utmost their knowledge. Such extention of knowledge lay in the investigation of things. . . . From the Son of Heaven down to the mass of the people, all must consider the cultivation of the person the root of everything besides.

- attributed to Confucius in The Diamond Age

The Million-Year War for Earth Continues

Mar 18, 06 | 10:44 am by Lynette Warren

Posted in Just Plain Dumb, NT Insider Stuff | 4 Comments »

A Vocational Chat With Voters

Mar 17, 06 | 12:58 am by John T. Kennedy

I thought it time we had a little talk. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…

I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you here this evening. Well, you see, I’m not entirely satisfied with your performance lately. I’m afraid your work’s been slipping and…

…and, well, I’m afraid we’ve been thinking about letting you go.

Oh, I know, I know, you’ve been with the company a long time now. Almost… let me see. Almost ten thousand years! My word, doesn’t time fly? It seems like only yesterday… I remember the day you commenced your employment, swinging down from the trees, fresh-faced and nervous, a bone clasped in your bristling fist…

“Where do I start, sir?” you asked, plaintively.

Well we’ve certainly come a long way since then, haven’t we? And yes, yes, you’re right, in all that time you haven’t missed a day. Well done thou good and faithful servant. Also please don’t think I’ve forgotten about your outstanding service record or about all of the invaluable contributions you’ve made to the company…. fire, the wheel, agriculture… it’s an impressive list, old-timer. A jolly impressive list, don’t get me wrong.

But… well… to be frank, we’ve had our problems too. There’s no getting away from it. Do you know what I think a lot of it stems from? I’ll tell you… It’s your basic unwillingness to get on within the company. You don’t seem to wan to face up to any real responsibility or be your own boss. Lord knows you’ve been given plenty of opportunities. We’ve offered you promotion time and time again, and each time you’ve turn us down. “I couldn’t handle the work, Guv’nor” you wheedled, “I know my place.”

To be frank, you’re not trying, are you?

You see, you’ve been standing still for far too long and it’s starting to show in your work. And I might add, in your general standard of behavior. The constant bickering on the factory floor has not escaped our attention. Nor recent bouts of rowdiness in the staff canteen. Then of course there’s… hmm, well, I really didn’t want to have to bring his up but I’ve been hearing some disturbing rumors about your personal life. No, never mind who told me. I understand that you are unable to get on with your spouse. I hear that you argue, I am told that you shout. Violence has been mentioned. I am reliably informed that you always hurt the one you love. The one you shouldn’t hurt at all.

And what about he children? It’s always the children who suffer, as you’re well aware. Poor little mites. What are they to make of it?

It’s no good blaming the drop in work standards on bad management either, though to be sure the management is very bad. In fact let’s not mince words: The management is terrible. We’ve had a string of embezzlers, frauds, liars, and lunatics making a string of catastrophic decisions. This is a plain fact.

But who elected them?

It was you. You who appointed these people. You who gave them the power to make your decisions for you. While I’ll admit that anyone can make a mistake once, to go on making the same lethal errors century after century seems to me nothing short of deliberate. You have encouraged these malicious incompetents who have made your working life a shambles. You have accepted without question their senseless orders. You could have stopped them. All you had to say was “No”.

You have no spine. You have no pride.

You are no longer an asset to the company.

image

From V For Vendetta, by Alan Moore and David Lloyd.

The hand of the maker sets all things in motion

Mar 16, 06 | 4:31 am by John Sabotta

SATOR
AREPO
TENET
OPERA
ROTAS

Mighty River Of Dreams and Revelations

Mar 06, 06 | 7:36 pm by John Sabotta

(For Sunny, prophet, seer and revelator of South Salt Lake City, and for Alethea, the Oracle of the University District)

At this time I had another dream that Howard Grant, a seminary teacher in Arizona came rushing up in a black new car. He said, “Bishop, come and I will show you where rich gold is, right up the road in Water Canyon.” So Bishop Koyle, Lewis Wright, Willard Fuller and I got in the car and up the road we went. We were clipping along nicely about half way up the Canyon when suddenly the car stopped and started rolling backwards. I became frightened and said,”Howard, put your foot on that brake or we will all be destroyed.” He paid no heed. Then said Bishop, “Put your foot on that brake or we will all be destroyed;” but he would not budge. Then I parted the front seat and slapped the brake to the floor, but there was no brake, so we plunged off, more than 1,000 feet to the bottom of the canyon, landing right side up. We all got out of the car and looked at each other. I said to Howard, “You had [153] better get your brakes fixed.” He took a brush out of a quart can and began to paint around his hat band. Lewis walked over and put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Jesse, I want to thank you for saving our lives.” I said, “Don’t thank me. I tried but could do no good; thank the Lord.”
-From RELIEF MINE II THROUGH OTHERS’ EYES, by Ogden Kraut.

The only thing missing from this account was the part where they moved the car and found that they had landed upon Wile E. Coyote.

“Bishop didn’t like the idea of others having dreams about the mine, and when I told him a dream, he angrily turned to me and said, “Who’s dreaming about this mine, you or me?” As well might man put forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri River in its decreed course as to stop the Lord from pouring down revelations upon the heads of the Latter-day Saints.” - Jesse L. Young, quoted in RELIEF MINE II

then lung sleeps on the grass and lung dreams. sometimes lung dreams about a donut. sometimes lung dreams about you. sometimes lung dreams about a lung who dreams about you. do you dream about lung? who is dreaming who? are you dreaming right now? - lung

In Transition

Mar 05, 06 | 10:50 pm by John T. Kennedy

I’m upgrading our blogging software. I’ll restore the blog to something like it’s old look as soon as I may.

The upgrade improves spam blocking so I’ve turned trackbacks back on.

I Hate Paleocons

Mar 05, 06 | 9:05 pm by John Sabotta

I leave a typically restrained and thoughtful comment on this

“You should be ashamed to think that someone who is not an individualist in politics is just waiting to bow the knee to some despotism, let alone to say it.”

Why should he be ashamed to say it? It’s only the simple truth. Power is what the paleos worship, not God, although they take care to disguise their worship of power with clouds of incense and sickening, pseudo-pious hypocrisy. But statements like “Perhaps the proper response of society in such confrontations would be that there will be no reason-giving, because it is fruitless, vain, and masturbatory to attempt to reason with the deranged” pretty much give the game away - note how Mr. “Maximos” creams his jeans at the thought of his fantasy-god, “Society”, crushing opposition - and not even bothering to give a reason!

It is my sincerely held hope, Mr.”Maximos” that someone takes your vile rubbish about “And without a contract, there can be no rights” literally, robs you at gunpoint and then proceeds to beat you like a gong. But since - unlike you, Mr. “Maximos”, I am not a complete lying booklicking Franco-sucking swine, I understand that it is very wrong to hope for such a thing.

Still, if I were you, I’d tremble when I reflect that God is just.

A curse upon them all.